FREAKING PISSED

FUCK

now i really hate my workplace. i REALLY need to go back home and settle something that is REALLY REALLY important. shit. they are having a staff meeting at 12.30pm whereby work ends at 1pm! how shitty could that be! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarggghhhhh!!

sucks.

i am so freaking lazy to do work today so i decided not to. last wednesday i was invited to see a final presentation by students on friday but today is friday that person just came in and invited someone else to go but not me. am i being left out here? sheesh. i hate this workplace.

pbbfft!

tomorrow is a holiday. pbbfft!

update on yesterday's meeting. it is only updates on whatever progress on big projects. i'm still safe *fuh!

anyways, tomorrow is a holiday! hurrah! but not a good one coz friday and saturday i have to work. so it's only a one day thing. but still!! i can stay up late tonight and wake up late tomorrow morning!

big kahuna

haiyoh.

all of the faculty members need to go for a meeting with the big boss at 4.45pm today ( why on earth did he picked that particular time??) i'm having this feeling of guiltiness coz i've taken emergency leaves for 2 days, one 1/2 day off and 2 times of coming late to work. this is my first month of working here and yet i did loads of mistakes. i'm dead meat.

Day job

Is working on a day job basis did not promise you a secure future? is investing in a so called easy money making scheme will make you any richer? well, i'm not a person who can easily convince people. i am the type who likes to work with people, yeah..it is a shitty political office shit there are bosses and stuff but still your income is secured every month and you will know that every friday on the end of each month you will get money. i've been hanging out with people who are involved in the new craze of mlm thingy and for them, having a day job means no life. you are basically attached and need to obey your boss and do your work from 8 to 5. as for them, they have no working hours, they can wake up like 11am and go search for people and convince them to join their forces. it looks fun and all, but are u guys sure that at the end of the month you will get any money? yes, for people who are already up in the pyramid but how about people who has just started? we need to invest thousands of ringgit and promised that it will double up within weeks but are we sure about that? no right? at least for me, having a day job, i will work my ass all day long but at the end i will know that my money is in my hands. at least, i know that i can pay up my credit cards, my car, my loan or whatsoever even though it is not that much. i would say that i like to be secure. i am not a business minded person, i am much of a people behind the work force. how shitty my work is, at least i could get some money to buy more black shirt and dresses. haha.

politically correct?

this is my fifth week working at this new place.

i'd rather say that i am not quite like it here. it's just. weird. it is the same feeling that i have when i was in tt. but..here, it does not have that faculty feeling, it is much more like a design consultancy company where all designers are placed in one bunch. maybe it's the way they have structured the office area that made me feel that way. or maybe i'm not the type who is cool enough to be with the bunch. *sigh. everyone is busy busy busy. when i'm not 'that' busy, i felt left out. i felt like what should i do here? should i offer myself to help them out? or wait for them to ask for my favour? or just simply do more research on the subjects that i should be teaching? or i have to go hanging at their tables and chit chatting? for me, being a new staff, id rather try to prepare myself for work. i'm not the type who likes to disturb other people's work to ask stupid questions and promote myself so that i could be in the 'group'. maybe like a good friend of mine said, i should just be me. be myself. or maybe here, the 'seniority' is important. or maybe i am placed in a room full of 'leaders' they are not keen on asking me to hang out with them, 'them' i mean is those people outside. maybe they are afraid that i might tell the leaders what they have been doing, their activities..etc..etc. yes, we have two different worlds, a large hall filled with lecturers, admin execs, etc, whereby there is this room where all the course leaders are placed. or maybe i used to work with a bunch of malay and here it is a mixture of all races? i've noticed that in this new place, people are trying hard to be noticed. we need to be fashionable, we need to look great, we need to be pretty and handsome so that people will accept you. and here, being pretty and handsome you will get all the attentions that you want, if you're lucky, the 'kambing hitams' will do the work for u! i've heard storieslah, being unfair, political stuff, how they can get more without doing any work..yadayadayada. argh, i hate it that way. i hate it!

Previous Obsession

i've just watched 4u2c's Fiona videoclip. Man...i was so obsessed with those guys when i was in primary school. u guys who just know me have NO IDEA how obsessived i was with 4u2c. 4u2c was one of the best malaysia group that started rapping (malaysian style lah) and singging RnB. There are seven of them:

AC - which still active in our film and music industry
JOE - used to produce a raggae ? album but was not succesful.
AZAM - this tall sweet guy. i have no idea what happened to him
LANZ - i saw him during the commercial shooting at KFC months back.
RINZ - cute. but have no idea what's going on with him
YANZ - short and sweet guy , also missing in action
ADiKZ - my favourite one. also have no idea where he is and what he's been doing.

In whole SKBD (my primary school), we used to have a so called all girls rap group ( HAHA), we called ourselves RAPSTERZ. hahaahhaha...so weird. The girls who were involved are (sorry guys, just for memories yeah. :P ) Each of us imitated the names of 4u2c members and turn it out to be ours.

A.D - Me. ( HAHA)
ADEKZ - Hanie ( yeah me and her used to gaduh coz we like ADIKZ so much)
NURINZ - Nurul ( her name was quite nice tho)
FIRAZAM - FIRA ( a name combination for a petite girl with a really tall guy)
GJOE - JIJI / GG ( we combined the name for her)
IMEE - IMEE ( i can't really remember her nickname tho)

for lanz. i'm so sorry that our group didnt fancy you. but still, you're a great rapper. hiks

yeah. there it goes. RAPSTERZ. we actually performed a FIONA dance (exactly like the one in videoclip) during Monday assembly, half way through the song the headmistress turned off the radio. she was mad i would say. coz being a rap superstar has nothing to do with school. she wants us to be a doctor, architect or maybe a lecturer like what i am right now. hahah! those days!!! since then, the whole school recognized our gang and affected us till now!!! whoever met me, they will ask 'you are leila right? yeah i remember you were one of the girls who loves 4u2c so much! ' There. a trademark. me and hanie are bestfriends ya (till now) and whenever old skbd'ians met us they will mention the 4u2c tragedy. bah! heheh.
i used to attend any 4u2c related events. I remember that i asked my parents to go to PD just to attend their photoshoot! i even have the pictures till now. maybe i should post it here one day..but to scan and all..it makes me lazy lor. anyways, hanie will always follow me to those events. i went to 4u2c's concert in LIFE CENTRE, kl with her family as well. we were all dressed up trying to impress them to win the best outfit and it turned out to be hanie's sister! it was in the newspapers as well..sweet huh. hehe. what else, we went to subang parade for their signature session with fans, their mini concert at lake garden, asked my dad to bring me and hanie to their office in plaza yeow chuan..oh yeah at that time my dad saw me shaking hands and cheek kissing with joe and azam, he straightly scold me in the car, saying that it is not nice for me to do that with someone bukan mahram (not related to you). ya lor..i was 11 years old at that time..of course it will make my dad freak out to see me doing that. haha.
there are loads of stuff that i did for 4u2c. i even have their house number. each of them. i gave ADIKZ a really huge sketchbook with my hand drawn sketches of him and 4u2c plus some cut and paste thingies. i even put my picture at the back and my house phone number as well! at first i didnt expect anything ya know, he is a celebrity and all..but NO! he CALLED my house just to say thank you! i was so excited i can't sleep on that night. let me describe the feeling..it was like Oh my GOD, brad pitt called me!! yeah something like that but it was ADIKZ 4u2c instead. mind you guys, he was so popular at that time. trust me. hehe. haih..it made me smile everything i remember it. memories..

anyways. i will leave you with this Fiona videoclip. since i am no brain in html codings..yada yada yada..i will just give you a link to it. sorry ya. hiks.

4U2C - Fiona

enjoy!

i'm such a bad new employee

today, 19th april 2007, is my 4th week of working in a new place. its been a month. and yet potrayed myself as a lousy employee. for the past 4 weeks, i have 2 EL's, 1 half day, and 2 times that i'm really late ( 1 day 1/2 hour late and the other one is 1 hour late). i really hate myself now. fyi, i'm on my 6 months probation period. i should potray myself as a good employee or else i'll be sacked off. but being a lousy me. i didn't do that. i felt terrible............................................................

the real reason that i came really late tis morning was..i woke up late. the alarm was screaming and instead of putting it to snooze mode, i shut it off. silly me.

i promise myself that i will not repeat any of the mistakes ever again.

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

kitty tocks.

i think i've accidently deleted my kitty tocks entry. oh well. here's the pic.

Reading

Gosh.

I have to read thick books in order for me to teach theory subjects. being an educationist is somehow very challenging. You are doing things twice. You LEARN and you DELIVER the content that you have learned at that particular period. So, its like doing things twice. When i was a student, all i did was input. The output part only happened at the end of the semester, whereby only written on paper. Who said that being a lecturer are all easy cheesy huh?

In my life, i have never imagined that i will teach after i've graduated. i always wanted to be a product designer. but still, i never manage to teach product design as well. i will always be in multimedia. *sigh.

so the area that i have taught so far... 3d animation, instructional design, intro to computer graphics, computer graphics and design, and erm. yeah. that's about it. in this new place. i'll be teaching mainly about research subjects called dissertation in multimedia and interactive design. and im not so sure about the other two subjects, project management and history of multimedia (which i hope i will not going to teach).. blah. all theory subjects..which i dont mind..really. i'm sick of teaching in labs..so i wanted to teach something that i can blabber about aka subjects that are so boring that the students will sleep through it. at least i dont have to practice before i go to class like classes that are software based. why? i wanted something new. i'm done with labs. haha.

yeah..need to seriously concentrate on reading now which the title is Human Computer Interaction by Jenny Preece. argh!

My First Born. Sorta.

its not like i never blog before. sometimes, getting some new changes are good right? since i'm in a new workplace, new environment, basically.. a new lifestyle. i will blog it all away. so. let's say that i will include all that soon. not now tho. ahehae. :P